Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
