I CAN MOONWALK!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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