Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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