I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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