Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you win again, gameday.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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