She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
