I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
