evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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