Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think I won the penis lottery.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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