i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize