just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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