Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
