Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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