I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
