True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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