I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
