I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
As shirtless as possible
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
