my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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