no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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