1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
well you can't waste a boner
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
