one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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