Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
