I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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