I wish I could teleport
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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