k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
