why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
