i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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