they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
