I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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