you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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