Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
