Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
