I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
