I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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