So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
