have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my shit smells like andre
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize