32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
