wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
