i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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