people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
