I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
