i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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