Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
And then he peed in my hair
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