hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think we might need a safe word for this...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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