If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
