I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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