just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just gargled with NyQuil
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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