It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
