She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
