I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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