Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
