Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
