She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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