...so i touched it.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
