Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
