PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
