I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
