Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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