Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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