Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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