I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
