The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
