just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
