apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
