Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
